Conversations With An Idiot
by A.j
Summary: Julia reflects on life, love and narcotics.


Conversations with An Idiot.

by A.j.

Author's note: Okay, everyone. A.j.'s back a little older and a little wiser, but no where near less nuts. (HI ALL!! ::WAVE::) This is a response to a request Claire Campana (HI CLAIRE!!) made last summer. YES, I'm late, but as a wonderful woman named Paula once stated, "Don't look a gift-horse in the mouth. She bites." Also, remember how whacked Julia was when Alonzo came and "rescued" her? Needless to say, she's still whack-ed out on drugs in this story. Curious? Keep reading...

DISCLAIMER: Wow, I haven't done this in a long time. Hmm.. .Where to begin. Howzabout "Because Amblin, NBC, etc. are such boners they don't deserve the right to owning such cool people?" That might get me acquainted with a lawyer a liiiiittle too quickly. Um, "He reached for her heaving bosom..." Wait, wrong book. AH! "I DON'T OWN THEM, NOR DO I CLAIM TO, so there." That's better.

WARNING!! R RATING!!! LANGUAGE IS NOT OUR FRIEND HERE!!! I was a little too frequent with the language on this one. I used the F word (gasp) a bit, but I felt it was in character at the time. As for a little set-up, this happens somewhere between "Enemy Within" and "Redemption." I really tried writing an Alonzo/Julia piece, but this little piece of weird-dom came out instead. I'm a psycho, what can I say?

Oh, this can be archived anywhere anyone wants to put it. Once it leaves my computer, I just really don't care. ~a:)

~~~~~~~~~

Ack. What a bloody mess I've gotten myself into this time.

I am alone. On a big planet. With lots of things out there that can kill me. What's worse, I just alienated every single person that EVER did anything for me. ME. Not Dr. Hellar, Julia. 

Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck!

I am such a bloody idiot, it isn't even fair. 'Listen to Rielly' my mind said. 'He's council' it said. 'We can trust him, even though the organization he works for tried to kill me,' it says. ARGH!

I was *genetically* engineered to be intelligent. I graduated with the *highest* honors possible from Harvard Medical School... at the age of 15!!! So, why, in the name of all creation am I stuck here, alone in this hell-hole of a planet, waiting to die? Because those same scientists that carefully arranged all of my nice little double helixes didn't have the where-with-all to give *me* a little common sense!!

Hell, if I had to listen to that holo-graphic freak, *why* did I have to do what he asked? I could have been a nice little SMART person and told him I was doing what he asked whilst I was just doing inventory on my nearly non-existant medical supplies. 

As if I have many of those now.

Argh.

I really don't think that my situation has quite set in yet. In fact, my thoughts seem a bit comical. Denial. Yup. I am in completely deep shit.

The thing that really bothers me though, is that they left me. I am their only doctor. Sure, the glove does a lot, but not without someone behind it. I guess Yale could kind of fill in. He has the entirety of human knowledge downloaded in his mind. A copy of Williams would more than likely be included. Damn that Adair woman. WHY didn't she listen to me? I was completely doped out on Terrian DNA. I could have explained myself after I came down... 

::sigh::

Yup. Still in denial, plus I'm stoned out of my gourd. That probably explains the language.

::sigh::

Let's try and work this through. I am ALONE, in the middle of the woods. I have, oh, maybe three months worth of rations, a tent, some clothing, a couple anti-biotics, some binocs, and a low-frequency scanner. I am alone. I better start getting used to myself.

I'm going to be doing a lot of thinking and not talking in the coming days. I might as well start analyzing my IDIOTIC actions again. I fucked up. Big time. I was reporting to one of the guys who may have tried to get us killed. 

Okay, why did I believe him? He... ARGH. Okay, I'm coming up with more questions than answers here...

::deep breath::

Why did I go to Reilly in the first place? Answer: I was scared out of my cotton-picking mind. Why? Because a man kissed me. Alonzo kissed me. Fly-boy engaged in a tongue tango along with good 'ole doc dumb-ass.

I am fucking insane.

I jeopardized my entire life because I got cold feet. Okay, question #3. Why did I let that promiscuous ass of a dark-haired-brown-eyed-god-of-love... Okay we got our answer. I am attracted to him. I let myself loose any sense I had because I got infatuated. 

If I ever see my mother again, I swear I will beat her into a bloody smear. If that hard-assed-bitch would have given me a few years of leave, enough time to, oh, say, have a puppy love, I wouldn't be in this mess! Hell, I wouldn't be on this planet!

This won't help. Back to Alonzo. Why do I find him attractive. Well, let's see... He's damn cute. That's a given. The boy must have been a regular in the gyms back on the stations. There is no way in any kind of anywhere he'd done an honest day of sweaty work before he came here. Unlike John, Alonzo's got that polished veneer of a gigolo. But there's something else...

There's something behind that dumb-as-a-rock outer layer. There's a depth that he avoids. He's gone through some stuff and it shows. Maybe not to everyone, but there's something back there. Sure, John Danziger would be a much better choice. He's strong, stable, intelligent, and has just the right touch of sadness that would make any woman scrunch her face up and go "Awwwww."

But no, I go for the one who is pretty much guaranteed to jump from my bed into that of the next pretty girl that passes this way. No, this is not really saying much for those genetic engineers. I wonder if they ever considered a malpractice suit from someone they coded... 

::sigh:: It's not as if it matters now. Everyone is gone and I'm stuck here watching pollen float.

Oookay. I'm starting to feel a little anxious here. I really don't know where to put my hands... They just seem to keep getting in my way. 

::breath::

Okay, Julia, calm. Breathe in, breathe out. Thing black void, calm, secure, empty... I am alone...

...

I can feel my mind leaving me now. I'm going to have a full blown anxiety attack right about....

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA  
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA  
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA"

...now...

FIN

Well, that be all. I love you, Claire... 


End file.
